It's been a few days since I last posted, and not too much has changed in my little world!! Life continues to tick by, and I am still alive and my heart is beating. I am able to tell you that I had a nice weekend with my Lil Ladies, and husband! I actually got to spend some quality time with him, and it felt nice. It felt good to have the alone time I felt I needed with him, and I am hoping he enjoyed the time as well. Alyssa was at her first ever sleepover with a group of girls from school celebrating a birthday. I asked Ian if he wanted to go to dinner, and he said YES! We thought we had a gift card to a local restaurant that we both liked in the past, but the gift card ended up being inactive :( We still had an amazing meal, and drinks!! We chatted about the Army Vs Navy game that was currently going on, guns, and some people we know. The conversation kept flowing and we acted like we have never been apart. He shared his food with me, and seemed interested in doing so. I had such a great time, felt so good to have his full attention, and he didn't appear tired, score for me! Dessert was yummy too, Key lime pie! I want to add that before we arrived at the restaurant that we had a discussion about him possibly taking me to shoot a gun as he had to make a stop at the local gun range for a gift card for a Christmas present. He knew shooting a gun was on my "bucket list" and asked if I wanted to go. He ended up choosing not to go, but the thought that he remembered my list truly impressed me. :) It is the small things that I try to remain hopeful about. Maybe next time. We hung out a bit at the house before he left for the evening. Did I mention the washer and dryer he got for me?? Yes, you are reading correctly!! My husband took it upon himself to find a used washer and dryer set for the house. He knew of my dryer dying on me and not working for over a month. Saturday afternoon he brought the machines to the house and together we did what we could do together to get them into the house. Sunday I asked my friend to help finish the task, and it was indeed completed!! Major props to my husband for doing this for me. Felt good to finally have a working dryer, and to know he was behind it!! I thanked him for this, and he seemed to know I was really sincere. Sunday he also paid for some things needed at Home Depot that were needed for the house!! :) I can only hope this is the beginning of my husband coming around and possibly returning home. I am not getting my hopes up, but just what has been happening makes me hold onto hope and faith a little more! I am aware anything can change at any given moment.

I have yet to be able to schedule another meeting with my Pastor due to scheduling conflicts, but we are trying to work something out for a weekly basis :( I hope we can get this worked out soon because I know I need it. I did have a doctors appointment yesterday for a follow up in regards to my Zoloft, and my possible carpal tunnel syndrome in my hands.I am going to be remaining on the same dose of zoloft, and I am okay with it. I am just going to be switching it from night to morning to see if I can sleep better. I also have an order to have an EMG done on my arms/hands for possible carpal tunnel. This is scheduled for 12/27. I have had this some before, so I am aware of what will happen. Its a very minor test in my opinion. We will see what happens. I am also waiting for my Lupron medication to be denied, then accepted under my insurance so I can begin to solve my "female" ongoing problem. I have been having to go back and forth with new OBGYN to get this new medication approved. I have tried birth control to see if it would solve it, no luck. Tried the Depo shot, and it only left me bleeding for an entire month, and it wasn't fun. It also had me gain weight, no fun at all. I have now since gain almost 12 lbs:( I was 127, up a few lbs from my initial appt with the doctor!! Gross!! Anyways, the Lupron was approved by my insurance, but it needs to go through a few steps before it can be given to me. Another shot, fun!!:) I will make sure to keep you all up to date on this!!!

Alyssa is currently in Speech Therapy, and my hands are aching and hurting so I am going to stop here for the time being!!

SeeIt's finally Friday and I can see my weekend in sight, yeah!! What a long week it has been, and a week I can say I am glad is behind me, yet I still have many questions as to what transpired during the week. I made a huge decision this past week, and the decision became real. Early this week I posted about getting in touch with my Pastor to discuss my marriage, and myself. I was able to meet with him on Weds and let's just say I left with some tears, and alot of emotions. I left feeling less confident, less fulfilled, and more confused than ever, but I also left feeling closer to God, and knowing that I need to really work on my relationship with God, and understand his TRUE purpose in my life. I believe in the end everything is going to be okay, and will come together the way HE intends them to be, but in the meantime I am just going to focus on myself and what I need to do for me. <i>I have come to realize that there are many things that I many WANT to happen in my light right now, but I have no control over those needs, and just need to let them be. </i>. I am taking my life at face value for the time being and making it about me and my Lil Ladies. Focusing on me will give me the gratitude in my life I need and that I don't need to have someone in my life, its okay to be alone and only have to depend on yourself. Please know that I do want to he happily married, I do want to be with my husband, but during this transition in my life it's okay to only focus on me, if I am the only one truly doing the 24/7 task. Not everyone may feel this and honestly it may not fit well with everyone, but I need to stop thinking of what others think and worry about myself and what I think. I am just waiting to receive an email from the Pastor about meeting with him again next week.

On Tuesday Alyssa had some dental work done, and it was quite the lengthy workup. She ended up being put to sleep for her dental work. She did well, and quite the brave girl. She ended up having 6 cavaties, two of which needed to have crowns. The dentist was trying to save as many teeth as possible and make them look as natural as possible, but that couldn't be done for all. They sealed her teeth, and gave her a deep cleaning. She goes back on the 16th for a checkup. She was in pain for 2 days following as her mouth was adjusting to thr crowns. Another surgery in the books for Alyssa.

I went shopping with Micaela on Tuesday night while Sierra agreed to watch Alyssa for me. Micaela needed a dress for her Christmas concert on Thursday. We went to Kohl's to find a dress, hoping she would find something she liked. We DID find a dress, a few actually. She ended up with a really pretty red dress, perfect for her chorus concert. We were on the hunt for silver shoes too, but we had no luck at Kohl's or Payless. We did find black ones that she liked, and had heels!! Wowsa!! She truly looked radiant all dressed up, and a true young woman! Micaela did amazing at her concert too!!

Sierra has started receiving college acceptance letters in the mail, such an exciting time in her life, and mine :) She has applied to a few schools completely and finishing up a few more applications. She has heard from two local area colleges which have a 2 year program where she can complete her PTA (Physical Therapy Assistant) Program. These will be good second choices if she isn't accepted into her first choice. My Lil Lady is growing up.