MamaLilLadies

3/14/17

Being a mom is by the far the most rewarding yet challenging job ever given to me. Becoming a mom has been my biggest blessing in life, and greatest accomplishment. I always thought graduating high school and college was my biggest achievement, but becoming a mom at 19 was. I never knew I would end up here 18 year later, and the Lil Lady who made me a Mama would be 18 and graduating high school in May. She has taught me many life lessons over the years, and I always hoped I would teach her a few lessons as well. We certainly have grown up together, and always looked out for one another. In many ways she has been my Mama protecting me from getting hurt, and looking out for me. I never liked to admit that she had to wear the bigger shoes at times, but I knew I was always able to count on her, and she would be by my side to catch my fall. She has had to grow up in ways I never expected or anticipated. I think she can agree with this statement. The older she became, the more stern she became in her ways, and completely out grew of her shyness. She has no problem telling anyone how she feels, or in what tone. She might be a too confident in ways, and too big for her britches. It is times like this that with all this new confidence and sassy attitude that I wish she was still younger, and didn’t have to deal with consequences. Consequences that could have been avoided if she just used common sense and respect. My biggest pet peeve in life is disrespect, especially if you know what it is, and how to use it. I am very disappointed in my daughter, and the choices she has recently made. I find myself double guessing myself, and questioning my parenting the past 18 years. I know that I am a great mother, and have done my best over the years, but when truly knows right from wrong in the situation, it just baffles me. She is aware that I am disappointed in her, and she thinks “sorry” is going to make a difference. Yes, she can be sorry, but owning up to it and showing me she is sorry is different. Thinking about the situation stresses me out and makes my blood boil. I just want to shake her and give her a wake up call. She wants to be independent, grown up, and treated like an adult. I just want to laugh and say “yeah right” as she has no clue. I know she is going to fall many times before she rises, and I knew this. I just thought it wouldn’t be on my watch, and it would be for something more serious. I am hoping that she really thinks about what I had to say to her, she learns a valuable lesson, and she can move on from this stronger and know that I am still her Mama, and I am responsible for her until she graduates high school. I feel like I am supposed to feel sorry for her that I was SO strict on her, and gave her a big lecture on my.02 on the situation. Honestly, I am not sorry, and I hope she is severely pissed off at me and thinks I am the worst thing ever  I know those feelings won’t last forever, and she will get over it, pass go and collect $200. But really, I just want her to know how much I care about her, how important she is to me, and how far in life I want her to go. I want her to know I have always valued her as a human, child, and friend. I am hard on her because I love her, and cherish her. I want her to know that if she were to ever read this in life, that she knows how I felt about this particular situation and where I stood. I know she is better than this, will be better than this, and will rise to show me that I can trust her again, and I know she does respect me.

(I felt I needed to blog about this as it was fresh on my mind, and I am trying to keep my blog current to my life. I want my followers to know me on all aspects of life, and that this is my life.)