MamaLilLadies

Here it is another day, and another day of mixed emotions on different levels. Yesterday went better than expected, and I was pleasantly surprised of the results. I was expecting to have a repeat type day like I had on Sunday of uneasiness and awkward feelings. I felt at ease, calm, and that we got along. We communicated well, and I felt he opened up to in communication, even if it was on a low key basis. He picked Alyssa up from school for me and took her to her afternoon school as I was unable to leave the house due to some work being done on the front door. He ordered lunch for us, and we had a nice pizza lunch together. I was happy he did this, and we just talked, laughed, and got along. We had a few moments of "flirting", and he shocked me on some levels. This could of been him being a "male" or his being my "husband", I would like to think it is more my "husband" than a "male" thought too. I don't want to get into great detail about the conversation, but based upon where I was emotionally and mentally on Sunday, this is far from what I was thinking would happen. I am happy he was back to his normal self, and I am curious to see where things go from here.

I did reach out to my Pastor about things in hopes he will be able to help and guide me on this. I just poured my heart out to him, and asked for help to try to resolve my marriage. My Pastor did respond, and asked if I was able to meet tomorrow. I am going to take him up on the meeting time, and see what happens. He would like to meet with me personally first. I am praying that this will resolve my marriage one way or another. My husband will either accept the offer or he won't. If he doesn't then I know where everything stands and I can move on. I personally think he is confused, hurt, and just feeling stuck. My heart aches for him, and I ache just to be able to help him heal and come back to me, and our marriage. I want to truly grow old with him, experience life with him, and just fulfill our dreams we were making together. I can't see how he would want to end our marriage without truly trying. I am about to email my pastor back, and set up a time to meet with him. If you have found my blog and do read it on a regular basis, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

In other news... we are almost done with the Christmas decorations. The outside lights need to be hung on the steps and door to make it complete. I had a new screen and front door put on so I was waiting for that to be done before attempting to put lights on. Lil Ladies are very excited for the final touches!! I am also in the midst of ordering gifts for Lil Ladies and completing the wishes of what they want. Micaela is almost done, Sierra, and Alyssa are half done, and Breanna I am just getting started. Tis the season :)